Looking Within At Mcgillivary Falls
Updated: Sep 29, 2018
During my recent trip to British Columbia, I explored Anderson Lake which is nestled between two giant mountains. Settling myself in a small community called Mcgillivary Falls, I found myself experiencing a lot of heavy thoughts that I had been avoiding. Maybe it was the coming Blood Moon brining these inner conversations to the surface, who knows.
As much as I have consciously tried to ignore how uncomfortable being alone with myself makes me, this year of traveling alone has really encouraged me to look inward on why I feel this way. I realized that it's often easier to just put ourselves in a bubble and not have deeper internal dialogues. Instead of facing ourselves, we pour our thoughts into other tasks, like work or activities but then when your mind corners you alone for a longer period of time it can be unavoidable.
When I was a growing up I was always alone, just me and my imagination running through the woods, avoiding orcs and my bow firmly in hand. Being alone never seemed to bother me at all, I really enjoyed my time alone in the forest to collect my thoughts. My imagination was my best friend because I found it very hard to connect and be understood by others when I was growing up .
When I became a young adult the opposite thing happened as I met many people with similar interests. From that point on, I constantly surrounded myself with people. What I didn't realize was that I stopped having my internal dialogues and relied on those around me for my own personal happiness. This became very unhealthy for me. Over the past year I have been trying to really find the balance between time alone with myself and time shared with positive friendships. In the past I would often hold myself back from adventures and opportunities because I would have to do them alone and for some odd reason it made them less important to me. I would tell myself that if I shared these adventures with someone else they would be better somehow or I would be more validated. I realize now how many moments I missed out on but I have no regrets because it has taught me so much in the long run.
Doing activities like seeing a movie, hiking or going on a vacation by yourself is ABSOLUTELY OK. Think of it like investing time in yourself. Don't allow your mind to create thoughts and opinions that mostly likely the people around you are not even thinking. It's these imaginary thoughts that are holding us back instead of just being open and honest to the universe and ourselves. Generally, only you know what your deepest needs are and what has to be done to fulfill them. I often catch myself projecting these needs onto others which I now know in retrospect is quite silly of me to do. It really is a fine balance between loving and accepting yourself and letting in the right people who will do the same. It's important to understand that you don't need someone else's permission or company to feel validated.
I would love to encourage all of you who read this to just be open to yourself and the thoughts that come up when you look within. Go on a date with yourself, start off small or dive in head first and climb a mountain like I did. Whatever you feel the most connected to just go out and and do it. I am sending you all so much love and light and can't wait for you to discover how much love and joy can be found within something that you fear.