Breakup, Moving, & Rising Strong

Bed by Casper

First off I would like to say that I am sorry that it has been a while since I last wrote to all of you! I have been going through a lot of personal transition in my life and I really needed to be vulnerable with myself before I could share wholeheartedly with all of you!

For the last 8 months I have been mourning the loss of a beautiful friendship I had with my ex-partner. It has been a really difficult transition moving forward from the life we created after being together for 4 years. I learned a great deal about myself and my love language. I was able to take a step back and look at my very own personal behaviour during this process. The hardest part was finding the courage to walk away from someone I consider to be my best friend. After things ended it brought me to a place where I felt very numb and I really didn’t know how to feel. I realized that I was actually not allowing myself to feel the pain and went to all extremes to avoid it. After months of blocking these feelings it reached a point where they became too heavy inside.

I am always so afraid of spending too much time in the darkness of my head because it almost took my life as a teenager. What I did not realize was that now I have 9 years of life experiences suiting me up with all the tools I need to face what I feared most! I also need to credit the personal impact of reading all four of Brene Browns books on Shame, Venerability and how to Rise Strong had on me. When I was finally ready to face my emotions within I let the darkness in and could really see that all that darkness is just light in disguise. I feared it so much for so many months that I almost giggled to myself when I completely understood all of my emotions and where they rooted from.  

On top of mourning the loss of what once was, I also spent over 3 months trying to find a new place to live! To my surprise there were lineups down the block of people trying to get an apartment with affordable rent. I started to lose hope during the process and felt I would end up living in a basement on the outskirts of the city just to avoid the crazy rent prices. My heart honestly goes out to anyone in search of a new place to live in Toronto now – it is freaking brutal!

In April I finally moved into my beautiful new space in Toronto, Canada and it’s been that positive change I desperately needed. I have been able to create an environment that allows me to disconnect, relax and inspire my soul! It has truly been super exciting because it’s the first time in my life I can afford to have creative liberty on my very own space. Every day that I come home from work I can’t help but smile and take a long deep breath.